Кому я потрібна, в свої 37 і з дітьми

У свої 16, слухаючи розмови досвідчених жінок, які в 37 з дітьми нікому не потрібні, я хотіла запитати: а собі, собі щось ви потрібні? Але в ті роки задавати дорослим питання було не прийнято.

Коли я була юною панянкою, жінки в 40 років здавалися мені смутними і нудними. Вони і собі такими здавалися: молодість пішла, старість не наступила, тривожне лихоліття розквітає гучними розлученнями – черговий невірний чоловік збігав до молодиці. Молодиці носили короткі спідниці і яскраву помаду, заливисто сміялися і не вміли готувати. Готували колишні чоловіки – невміло і погано. Колишні дружини підганяли губи і скорботно ділилися сумним «Кому я потрібна, в свої 37, з дітьми».

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А собі, собі ви потрібні?

Культ молодості, якому все дозволено, процвітає і зараз. Просто молодість нині поняття не календарне, а суто візуальне. Виглядаєш в 40 на 30? Ай молодець! І на роботу візьмуть, і з особистим життям влаштується, і дружать з такими людьми охочіше і активніше (особливо в соцмережах, де дружба виражається в скупому лайці, а бути красивим набагато простіше, ніж в реальності), і ненавидять яскравіше, і в дзеркало дивитися приємніше.

Бути молодим і красивим сьогодні – це як зуби чистити. Питання соціальної гігієни.

Зустрічають по одягу, а проводжають по розуму, говорить народна мудрість. Мій досвід говорить, що проводжають теж по одягу, нікому розум не здався. Так само як і широка душа, і тонка душевна організація, і глибокий внутрішній світ (спробуйте в тривимірному просторі уявити такого собі кадавра).

Звичайно, читач, це не про тебе. Ти ж не дивишся на зовнішнє, а акцентуєш увагу на внутрішній світ. Мудрість говорить в тобі! І трішки самообман.

Тому що з веселою, життєрадісною і симпатичною людиною спілкуються набагато охочіше, ніж з дуже розумною, але нудною і страшненькою.

Це я, як страшненька і нудна знаю з дитинства. Навіть опція «дам списати» не гарантує народної любові. Особливо після закінчення навчання.

Трієчники і балагури раптово роблять стрімкі кар’єри, обганяючи зарозумілих відмінників. Трієчники вміють справляти враження, і це враження робить за них половину роботи в справі самопросування.

 У суспільстві є величезний попит на привабливість

Часом цей попит переходить всі межі і перетворюється в фашизм. Жінки катують себе дієтами, тому що після 50-го розміру життя не існує. Як немає і одягу в магазинах. Знайти взуття на повну ногу неможливо.

  • Стрункі жінки звинувачують повних в ліні
  • Молоді топчуться по его пристарілих
  • Спортивні гидливо оглядають пухких
  • Жінки в леопардових лосинах в принципі зневажають всіх

У магазині косметики моє обличчя ретельно оглядає консультант. Мовчить. Ще раз оглядає. Я розумію, що треба вже, напевно, продумувати репертуар похоронного оркестру.

«Ну, – каже консультант, – з вашими зморшками щільний тон не піде. Вам треба флюїд, консилер, хайлайтер, пудру-серпанок, зелені синці під очима зафарбувати рожевим, сині синці – жовтим, пігментацію прибрати пілингами ».

«Це веснянки»

«Грхм», – скептично посміхається консультант. Її тренували не сперечатися з жінками під 40. «Ще вам треба основу під тіні, а то тіні будуть збиратися в складках очей, в вашому віці це нормально, не переживайте. І контурінг. Овал особи вирішує все! »

Список засобів макіяжу для створення природно-молодого образу склав пару листів, сумарно на декілька тисяч. Це якщо економити.

Уколи краси – особливий вид шахрайства: вже час жінко, про онуків думати, а ви все ще рветься в закритий клуб молодих. Ровесниці теж зневажають. Неси свої роки з гідністю! Для них добре доглянута баба-ягідка гірше будь-якої молодиці. На контрасті працює, на чужому горбу в рай в’їжджає. І взагалі, цар – несправжній!

Чужа зовнішність турбує як молодих, струнких і красивих, так і представників іншого табору. Байдужих немає. Всі звинувачують всіх, сповнені почуття праведного обурення.

Праведне обурення взагалі дуже славне відчуття: і висловити лють можна, і ніби як не плітки чи там осуд, а боротьба за праве діло. З однодумцями згуртуватися привід є, за руки потриматися, гімни поспівати, гасла покричати.

Тепер мені самій 37, я сама доросла матрона з дітьми. І у мене питання. Все те ж.

Чи потрібні ми собі? Або вартість наша так і вимірюється оцінювачами з гендерного аукціону? Скільки сторонній дядечко (або тітонька) скаже, стільки і напишуть?

Ходи потім, гадай, потрібен такий лот, не потрібен, а якщо потрібен, то кому. Коли прийде цей хтось і візьме вже відповідальність, тому що ну скільки можна терпіти, справді. Чи не час почати худнути? Або мазати обличчя хайлайтером? Втрачати прекрасну мить, а потім ще одну і ще, поки миттєвостей не стане занадто багато, – навіщо?

Відповісти нікому, всі при справі. Хто мотузки в’яже, хто дрова пиляє, хто багаття розводить. Деякі йдуть за хмизом в лісок.

А там за кусток, під місток і на свободу з чистою совістю. Дихати на повні груди, бути молодими, старими, гарними, розумними, стрункими, веселими, повними глузливими, палкими, слізливими, метушливими, господарськими, статечними, відчайдушними.

P.S. І пам’ятайте, всього лише змінюючи свою свідомість – ми разом змінюємо світ!

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