Ці 5 потреб склеюють шлюб намертво. Задовольняйте їх – і зрад не буде ніколи

Зраду здатна подолати не кожна сім’я. Тому простіше зайнятися подружніми стосунками при перших «дзвіночках» незадоволеності, ніж піддавати свій шлюб такому випробуванню.

Американський дослідник, автор книги «Його потреби, її потреби: побудова шлюбу без зрад» Віллард Хадлі провів експеримент за участю більше 800 пар і виділив основні потреби чоловіків і жінок у шлюбі, при задоволенні яких, подружжя вважають один одного чарівними.

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Таким чином, існують п’ять потреб в шлюбі, задоволення яких різко знижують можливість подружньої зради. Ось вони:

1. У жінок – це потреба в ніжності.

Коли чоловік дарує жінці квіти, обіймає її, цілує, тримає за руку, жінка відчуває, що партнер любить її як жінку.

У чоловіків – потреба в сексуальній задоволеності. Часто в терапії жінки скаржаться на відсутність ніжності з боку чоловіка, як правило, ті ж жінки діляться, що регулярно відмовляють чоловікові в близкості. Ці потреби парні: якщо чоловік не проявляє ніжності, сексу він не отримає, якщо жінка відмовляє чоловіку в сексуальному спілкуванні, ніжності він не проявить.

2. У жінок: потреба в розмові.

Жінка потребує, щоб чоловік слухав її, емоційно реагував на те, чим ділиться дружина. У період залицяння пари багато розмовляють, демонструючи один одному свою зацікавленість і любов. Жінки чекають, що така зацікавленість збережеться і в шлюбі. У.Хадлі в результаті дослідження виявив, що для задоволення цієї потреби жінці необхідно близько 15 годин в тиждень безроздільної уваги партнера. Це близько 2 годин на день.

Для чоловіка жінка повинна бути хорошим товаришем по відпочинку і розвагам. Нерідко до шлюбу жінки з задоволенням долучаються до розваг партера: ходять на риболовлю, дивляться футбол і т.д. У шлюбі ж намагаються захопити партнера своїм дозвіллям. Або просто дозволяють партнеру одному відпочивати і розважатися. Це може бути дуже небезпечно для шлюбу, оскільки, на їхнє здивування, чоловіки надають великого значення здатності подружжя стати вірним товаришем по відпочинку і розвагам.

3. Жіноча потреба – чесність і відкритість чоловіка.

Жінка потребує правди, як в повсякденних справах, так і в екстрених випадках, як у дрібницях, так і в великих справах. Якщо чоловік приховує інформацію або обманює, його надійність для жінки руйнується. Жінка може відчувати себе небезпечно.

Чоловіча потреба: фізична привабливість дружини. Ця потреба має два аспекти. Перший, це можливість пред’явити привабливу жінку суспільству в якості дружини. Другий аспект – в любовних відносинах чоловікові важко цінувати дружину тільки за душевні якості. Чоловіки мають глибоку потребу у фізичній привабливості для подружжя.

4. Жінка потребує достатньої кількості грошей.

Можливо, грошей ніколи не буває багато, але при цьому є цілком конкретна сума, якої достатньо для життя, коли є безпека і впевненість у завтрашньому дні. Жінки хочуть мати вільний вибір між домогосподаркою і кар’єрою.

Чоловік потребує домашнього затишку. Потреба чоловіка в спокої і домашньому комфорті настільки велика, що вони часто фантазують про те, як дружина зустрічає його з радістю і любов’ю у дверях будинку, в якому добре поводять себе діти, раді йому і запрошують приєднатися до комфорту добре влаштованого будинку. Ця фантазія має продовження в тому, що дружина запрошує його сісти і розслабитися перед смачною вечерею. Далі сім’я виходить на вечірню прогулянку, після якої діти спокійно йдуть спати. Потім вони розслабляються з дружиною, розмовляють, трохи дивляться телевізор, потім відправляються в спальню, щоб зайнятися сексом. Дружини можуть посміятися над таким сценарієм. Реальність часто пред’являє інші обставини. Але потреба саме така у чоловіків.

5. Жінці важливо, щоб чоловік був хорошим батьком для своїх дітей.

Навіть не просто хорошим батьком, а прикладом для наслідування. Дружині важливо бачити дорогоцінну дитину в руках коханого чоловіка.

Чоловік потребує захоплення. Чоловік хоче пишатися собою. Захоплення слід відрізняти від оцінок. «Ти молодець, ти крутий, ти найкращий» – це оцінка. Захоплення можна виразити через почуття, яке викликає у жінки поведінка чоловіка. Наприклад, «Я радію, коли бачу твої досягнення», «Мені приємно, коли ти красиво одягнений», «Я захоплююся тобою і відчуваю опору, коли ти захищаєш мене в чому-небудь». Найважливіше, що захоплюватися потрібно щиро, нехай це буде щось маленьке і незначне, але те, що викликає справжні позитивні емоції.

При задоволенні цих потреб партнери вважають один одного чарівними, подружні узи стають міцнішими, зміцнюється основа для взаємного кохання і вірності.

Якщо Ви дуже хочете зберегти вашу любов і готові до того, щоб разом подолати виниклу напругу в шлюбі, то одним з кроків в цьому напрямку може служити відверта розмова про ваші взаємні очікування і потреби.

Постарайтеся почути один одного, прислухатися, і можливо, щось змінити в своїй поведінці.

Щиро сподіваюся, що дана стаття нагадає Вам про необхідність піклуватися про себе і дружину. Може хтось захоче прямо зараз щось приємне зробити для партнера: смачний пиріг спекти, або квітів купити, а може подякувати за щось.

Життя складається з дрібниць, так нехай ці дрібниці будуть приємними.

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  80. The general, Qin Zhong, was a loyal veteran left by the former head of state to Qin Hengtian. It was the veteran of the Three Dynasties. Because he was too old and he did not want to stay away from his homeland, he left the auxiliary Qin Hengtian. In the conflict with the Yinzong Zong, he also desperately defended Qin Hengtian, and used the prestige of Jiuding Wangzong to force him to retreat.

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  83. “Yeah. Xiaoxianxian is the best. Of course, it would be better if you give me the gift packs. Haha??” “Hey? The Lord is really bad, give it to you!” For the real thing, it is the introduction of Xiaoxianxian.

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  86. “Where are you, how can I see you?” Qin Hengtian asked in confusion. “The host can only see me in the mind and meditate on the fairy tale of the four words!

  87. On April 3, there were zero sitting white congressmen in the race for the 2020 Democratic nomination. There were two former male representatives (Beto O’Rourke of Texas and John Delaney of Maryland) and a sitting congresswoman (Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii), but no men currently serving in the House.

  88. Raja’s wife and other relatives pleaded for leniency for what they said was a bad decision in a difficult moment doing a dangerous job. His lawyers condemned the notion that Raja, as a Muslim man of Asian descent, was motivated by racial prejudice.

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  90. Last year, the Giants passed on QBs Sam Darnold, Josh Rosen and Josh Allen and drafted a running back second overall. Even with Saquon Barkley’s Offensive Rookie of the Year performance, New York won only five games with eroding statue Eli Manning behind center, and that appears to be the plan yet again. Daniel Jones played under David Cutcliffe at Duke, and there’s no doubt Cutcliffe’s cozy relationship with the Manning family had plenty to do with the Giants selecting Jones with the No. 6 pick.

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  92. Following successful contested jump shots over Lillard, Westbrook would occasionally trot back on defense making the rock the baby gesture.

  93. The Warriors know the formula. Desperate times in the NBA playoffs call for an inspired defense. Without it, even the Warriors are vulnerable.

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  95. “A lot of people believe (Rosen) is a better prospect than the quarterbacks in this draft,” he said. “And so you get a chance to trade maybe a second round pick and get Josh Rosen and still use your first round picks on other players. I think that would be the route I would lean and look to go if I were one of these teams like the Dolphins, Redskins or Giants.”

  96. If George really wanted to get Lillard back, his best option is to just wait until next season and hope he can get revenge on the Trail Blazers. It takes time to come back after losing like that.

  97. Prior to the 2019 NFL draft, Nick Bosa deleted tweets that were critical of Colin Kaepernick, Beyonce and the movie “Black Panther”, and supportive of President Donald Trump because he “might end up in San Francisco.”

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  101. Navigating the line between what we’d decide together,Jordan and what was up to me,Jordan became a new challenge in our relationship. We went together to appointments,Jordan but she let me do the talking and the decision making. She told me it was my body,Jordan my future,Jordan and she’d be there beside me no matter what I did. I was grateful,Jordan but I mourned a world in which we’d have the time to figure out what we would want together,Jordan to be able to fully have her on my team.

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