5 золотих правил, як навчити дитину бути щасливою

Щодня і щогодини, кожним словом і вчинком батьки впливають на майбутнє своїх дітей.

Результат пошуку зображень за запитом "навчити дитину бути щасливою"

Іграшки та розваги, навчання та гуртки, турбота, спілкування, прогулянки. Все це топ-лист сучасного відповідального батька. Чи достатньо цього для того, щоб в майбутньому наша дитина змогла стати щасливою? Дайте відповідь на просте запитання: а що для вас значить краще? Що приносить найбільше задоволення і робить життя щасливим?

Родина

Для більшості дорослих людей особисте щастя нерозривно пов’язане зі щастям їх сімей, близьких, дітей. Ні кар’єра, ні гроші, ні слава не можуть замінити теплоту сім’ї. Побудувати міцну і щасливу сім’ю – непроста наука. Для того, щоб оволодіти нею, починати потрібно з дитинства. Манери поведінки в сім’ї, стиль спілкування, сімейні цінності і традиції діти переймають у своїх батьків.

Батьки – самі “доступні” дорослі в житті дитини для наслідування, для того, щоб брати з них приклад, вчитися у них. Абсолютно всі діти засвоюють батьківські моделі поведінки в сім’ї – і хороші, і погані. І несуть цей “батьківський спадок” з собою у доросле життя. Спадкування проявляється в двох варіантах – повторення (мене змушували і, я буду робити так само) або заперечення (мене змушували, але я ніколи так робити не буду).

Сім перших важливих років

До семи років у дитини відбувається програмування на підсвідому область головного мозку. У цьому віці процес схожий на фотографування на плівку: всі спогади про те, як вели себе мама і тато в тій чи іншій життєвій ситуації, кадрами вкарбовуються в дитячому мозку. У дорослому віці згадати цю інформацію найчастіше неможливо, але в схожій ситуації ця модель спрацьовує, і людина починає вести себе так само, як вели себе її батьки. Це автоматична модель поведінки, і виправити її буває дуже складно.

Моделі сім’ї для роботи над помилками

Наприклад, модель сім’ї “батько головний”. У цій родині батько – лідер, здобувач, глава. Якщо він бере на собі відповідальність за сім’ю і його домінування розумне, то швидше за все діти повторять батьківську модель: син стане відповідальним главою сім’ї, а дочка вибере в супутники життя сильного чоловіка. Якщо ж домінування батька в сім’ї “зашкалює”, він деспотичним, грубий та егоїстичний, то найімовірніше реалізується варіант заперечення і дитина візьме з собою у спадок установку “моя сім’я буде іншою”.

У моделі сім’ї “мати головна”, навпаки, рішення приймає мати, забезпечує сім’ю і несе на собі основну відповідальність. Батько в такій сім’ї часто виконує роль веденого, і мати не приховує свого зневажливого і подавлюючого ставлення до нього. Гендерні ролі переплутані, і ймовірність того, що дочка вибере сильного і відповідального супутника життя, невелика. Так само, як і те, що син у цій родині виросте самостійним і самодостатнім чоловіком, здатним брати на себе відповідальність.

Якщо ж в такій сім’ї мати розуміє небезпечні для майбутнього дітей наслідки свого “публічного” домінування, вона не стане принижувати роль батька в сім’ї, що допоможе сформувати правильні установки у дітей.

Модель сім’ї “батьки-трудоголіки” дуже поширена в сучасному світі. Вона небезпечна тим, що відбувається зміщення життєвих цінностей і пріоритетів: діти засвоюють правило, що головне в житті – робота, другорядне – сім’я. Ця модель передбачає дистанційованість батьків від дітей, адже тата-трудоголіки часто бачать, як ростуть їхні діти, на фотографіях. Мамі потрібна величезна мудрість, щоб сформувати в дітях установку, що тато це робить заради сім’ї. Змінити ситуацію в корені може тільки досвід спілкування батька з дитиною. Малюк одночасно засвоює дві моделі поведінки – материнську і батьківську. Ці моделі різні, але в головних речах вони обов’язково повинні збігатися.

5 правил у спадок на щастя

Яка б модель сім’ї не була у вашому домі, дотримання декількох простих, але дуже важливих правил докорінно здатне перетворити ваш батьківський спадок у справжній скарб для дитини.

Правило перше: ніколи не з’ясовуйте відносини при дитині. Розбіжності будь-якого роду між мамою і татом повинні залишатися «за закритими дверима». У цьому – запорука фундаментальної основи сім’ї як єдиного монолітного і непорушного партнерського союзу. Крім цього, ви отримаєте прекрасний батьківський бонус: у дитини не буде можливості маніпулювати відносинами між батьками, коли один забороняє, а другий дозволяє – адже в його свідомості думки батьків збігаються.

Правило друге: показуйте дитині добре ставлення, прихильність і любов до свого чоловіка (дружини). Чи знаєте ви, що у більшості дітей середнього шкільного віку найбільший страх пов’язаний з тим, що батьки можуть розлучитися? У ваших силах виключити цю тривогу з життя дітей і сформувати у них позитивне ставлення висловлюванням приємних емоцій і почуттів до близьких. Це забарвлює любов’ю, добром, турботою, ласкою, теплом, щоб закладалася в підсвідомість дитини модель його майбутньої сім’ї.

Правило третє: ніколи не зривайте свої негативні емоції на рідних. Як би ви не були роздратовані або засмучені, не вихлюпуйте це в родині. Замість цього приділіть увагу до своїх потреб і розвійтеся – сходіть в кіно, на прогулянку, в лазню або “ізбейте” боксерську грушу. Ви ж не хочете, щоб ваша дитина в своїй прекрасній майбутній сім’ї кричав на свою другу половину і дітей або вибрав собі в супутники неврівноважену людини?

Правило четверте: обов’язково заохочуйте спілкування ваших дітей з бабусями і дідусями. Якщо немає можливості спілкування з рідними бабусями і дідусями, обов’язково знайдіть у вашому доступному оточенні мудру людини старшого віку, яка з’єднає ланцюг поколінь.

Правило п’яте: продовжуйте сімейні традиції і створюйте свої. Саме сімейні традиції малюють оригінальний портрет сім’ї і приносять у дім щастя. Згадайте ті добрі традиції, які були в сім’ях ваших предків. Розкажіть про них дітям. Візьміть у вашу сім’ю ті з них, які для вас дорогі. Придумайте нові і разом їх дотримуйтесь. Наприклад, обов’язково пекти вишневий пиріг на Різдво і збиратися всією сім’єю в цей день за чаєм. Незважаючи ні на що, де б ви не знаходилися, завжди в цей день збиратися за одним столом. Або щороку поповнювати сімейний альбом новими фотографіями і обов’язково його переглядати всім разом.

Що ми можемо?

Передати свій досвід, свої знання і вміння. Навчити того ж самого, що знаємо, вміємо і робимо самі. У кожного з нас є своя картина світу, в якій ми орієнтуємося. У ній свої вершини і цілі, свої тривоги і страхи, свої поняття про добро і зло. Якщо вона нас влаштовує, ми передаємо її своїй дитині – свідомо і несвідомо, кожним своїм вчинком, кожною хвилиною свого життя.

Якщо наша картина світу недосконала, ми можемо її доповнити і поліпшити в дітях, щоб вони не повторювали наших помилок і не потрапляли в складні ситуації, які випали на нашу долю.

Ви ділитеся з вашими дітьми тим, що є у вас, зараз, в цю саму мить. Подбайте про те, щоб ваш батьківський спадок приніс тільки добро. Почніть прямо зараз. З цієї самої хвилини. Використовуйте свою можливість зробити майбутнє вашої дитини щасливим.

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